Last night as I was trying to relax by reading the many blogs I read as well as catch up on one of the few shows I watch I had an anxiety attack. For the rest of the evening, I guess over about two hours I was doubting myself and my life, that I had wasted the last twenty odd years of my life trying to fit into a mold that I know is just no longer something I can do. I went to bed questioning my worth in life as I was wondering if I had any real ambitions or desires. Going to work five days a week at a "regular" job and working for someone else simply rubs me the wrong way yet this is the direction I'm being pushed into again.
I've been "between" jobs, if you will for a month and sitting on the sofa being lazy is something I cannot simply do so I've been working on my handcrafted cards and doing house chores and preparing meals and desserts for my partner and I. So not working is not something I can handle well so I'm planning to make cards and sell them.
Not so fast my partner is telling me and then during lunch with my brother as well as my partner I have them telling me that it is foolish for me to think I can make and sell cards and make a living at it. I know that! I just want to try my hand at for awhile to see where it goes but do I get any support in this regard? Not a chance. I'm told to get a real job.
So I'm in bed and almost miserable however I just leave the question hanging about what I should do with my future and fall asleep. . .
This morning I awake feeling pretty good and I just relax and simply "be" with Spirit. Then once I'm out of bed I work with Tarot, and up come two cards out of the deck. As soon as I see these cards I'm filled with answers, joy, knowing, confident, and optimistic. Today's visiting Tarot Cards are the "10 of Coins" and "V The Priest".
Meditation, Spiritual practice, controlling my own life are the keys to my future, to the future I want and I must never forget this. I am the author of my own life!
Thank You Spirit.
Blessed Be.
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